


Midoteto

by aslan_sinner



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aslan_sinner/pseuds/aslan_sinner
Summary: TW : MENTION OF DEPRESSION, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, MENTION OF HOMOPHOBIA, MENTION OF SUICIDEPSA : I project myself into Midori so yeah some stuff aren't canon so if you don't like it just don't read and it's my first fanfiction here and my first english fanfiction so I'm not sorry for the mistakes but feel free to correct me so I can improveSummary (i suck for writing them) :Midori doesn't know he's gay for Tetora. And his depression, anxiety, abandon and trust issues won't help him figure it out. He'll have to open up and learn more stuff about himself for healing and having more fun with his friend.
Relationships: Nagumo Tetora/Takamine Midori
Kudos: 2





	1. I won't open up

"Midori... Midori... Midori !!! Hey ! Wake up !" 

"Hhmm..."

I didn't know which day we were. Nor what time it was. Which month, season, everything was confusing. I felt dizzy and when I looked at him, I understood everything. 

"Are you okay ? You sleep since the first period. And you look pale... If you feel sick, you should go back home."

I didn't reply because I started to have a headache. I had too many questions. 

"Wait... What time is it ?" 

"It's 3:30pm." It's time for club activites."

"Wow... I can't even remember... What happened today ?" 

"Nothing special. We didn't talk that much and you didn't eat. All you did was sleeping."

"Oh... Okay. Thanks for waking me up. I think I'll go home."

"I'll tell Morisawa, don't worry about that. Take care !" 

I couldn't thanks him. Tetora was already gone. I went home and I just slept more. I wasn't hungry and I thought today was really weird. I sighed and slept, hoping for tomorrow to be less annoying and painful.

The next day, I went to school with Morisawa, like usual. But I felt more tired than usual. During class, i couldn't focus in class. I was daydreaming about a normal life where I can laugh and enjoy everything like everyone does. But I just felt more and more depressed. I looked at the window so no one could see my tears running on my face. 

At lunchtime, my eyes were red and my voice was weak. Tetora talked to me so I tried to act like nothing happened.

"Midori, wanna eat with me ?" 

"No thanks... I'm not hungry. Sorry, maybe tomorrow." 

"I know you're not okay. You lied yesterday. You really are a bad liar, you know ? We're friends. It's okay if you talk to me about your problems." 

"Thanks... But really, I'm fine."

He sighed and went eating with Sengoku and Aoi's brothers. I was alone in the classroom. I felt pretty lonely and bad because I actually want to talk about my problems. But I don't think Tetora would understand. I was too scared. 

This afternoon, I had Idol work with Ryuseitai. I was really tired and I wanted to go home. But I said I was fine, I don't want to bother them. We had to make a choregraphy for the new song. I didn't have ideas so I did what they wanted to do. But I ended up fainting. 

I didn't know Tetora brings me in the infirmary room until I woke up and saw him sit next to me. Sagami wasn't here so I tried to wake Tetora up. I felt guilty because he may be tired. I poke his cheek and then I put my hand on his hot shoulder. 

I have intrusive thoughts so hearing a voice saying stuff like "oh he's kinda cute" or "kiss his lips" was terrifying. I sighed and quickly forget these thoughts. But I caress his hair. It was very soft. 

"Hmmm... Midori ? What are you doing ?" 

I didn't know he would wakeup immediatly. I stopped what I was doing while blushing. I hide the fact that I was upset. 

"I tried to wake you up. Sorry, you must be tired..." 

"No it's okay. I'm more concerned about you. Sagami told me you fainted because you don't eat enough. So I bring you some food. I think you'll like it !" 

His smile was very cute and I really think that. It wasn't my intrusive thoughts. When Tetora gave me these cute strawberry, chocolate and matcha snacks, I was relievied. These animals biscuits were so cute ! I was really happy that Tetora bought all of these because he was worried. 

"Oh ! They're so cute ! Thanks you so much !" 

I put the snacks next to me and I hugged him for no reasons. I was just happy. I could feel all if this serotonin again.

"Wow... Morisawa stop possessing Midori's body !!" 

"What ?"

"Haha, sorry it was a jo-" 

"Hahahaha !~ ♪" 

I was glad to feel like a normal high schooler for once. I ate the strawberries animals and drank some water. I wasn't a big eater, but I'm sure I'll eat all of these. 

"Thank you so much, Tetora. I'll give you money tomorrow."

"No, I don't need money. It's okay, take that as a gift. A late birthday present, hehe."

"Oh... Then I'll buy you something you like for your birthday." 

"Hahaha, it'll also be a late birthday present."

"Yes, but I think you deserve it."

I changed in the infirmary room for putting my school uniform. I put the sweaty clothes in my bag and I took my phone for looking at the hour. 

"Oh... It's time to club activites. I gotta go, see yo-" 

"What are you doing ?!" 

Tetora suddenly grabs my arm and I looked at him a bit shoked. 

"I'll go to the gymna-" 

"No ! You literally faint ! You should go home ! Sagami have classes right now he can't call your parents." 

"But I'm okay..." 

"No, you're not ! I'll bring you to your home !" 

I let him take my arm and walk until the school gates. But his hand slowly goes in my wrist and then my hand. I blushed and I panicked because it was weird. We were two boys... But I felt my heart beating so fast. 

"You're like a kid. I hafta take your hands or you'll go back to school. You like Morisawa that much ?" 

I started to be angry because it wasn't about Morisawa. Right now, my heart thoughts he belongs to Tetora. 

"No ! I'll kill you !" 

"Woah ! Don't look at me like that, you're kinda scary !" 

I couldn't be more angry because I was vulnerable. Now, I was just pouting. His hand was hot and it feels good in winter. When we were at my place, I was kinda sad, but it was a very good moment. I hugged all of my plushes and started daydreaming again.


	2. Blank

One week has passed and nothing changed. I was still depressed and I didn't know I loved my friend. But I didn't think about it because it was after a long and boring school day. I wanted to rest and think about my plushes, mascot characters and everything that makes me happy. 

I usually go on social media and look at my feed for hours. I liked seeing cute stuff I could buy or make. I also talked a bit to the rest of Ryuseitai and sending them funny stuff. But the more I saw stuff on internet and the more I started overthinking.

I looked at my room's roof while thinking about my sexual attraction. Maybe I was attracted to men and that's why I didn't want to hang out with every girls who confessed to me since middle school. But it doesn't feels right. I've never deeply knew these girls, so it's normal if I couldn't feel something for them, right ? 

I sighed and I started to look at some photos of topless men without realising that I felt something I couldn't describe compared to topless girls. But I was scared. What if no one accept me ? What if people end up bullying me ? 

I started to sweat and cry a little bit. I didn't want to believe that. I closed instagram and then went to sleep. It was hard to fall asleep actually. I was confused but I ended up sleeping for a few hours. 

I went to school with Morisawa and started to think that he might be gay. He always hugs boys after all. Several minutes later, I talked to Tetora before the class start. 

"Hello..."

"Hello ! How are you ?" 

"Fine and you ?" 

"I'm fine too... Do you feeling better ?" 

"What ?" 

"Yesterday you fainted."

"Oh, yes, thanks !"

I panicked because of my short memory. Apparently, it's related to my depression. And I wanted to hide this shit... Deeply. 

When the class starts, I drew many rainbows in my copy book. I saw a lot yesterday and I find them really pretty. I didn't pay attention until lunchtime. Tetora was determined to make me eat. 

"Today, you'll eat a whole, healthy meal !"

"Well... I'm not that hungry. I think I'll buy a salad. I still have some snacks you gave me." 

"Okay, but be aware about what your body says ! If you feel unwell go to the infirmary please." 

"Yeah, don't worry." 

I smiled because I felt loved. I went to the cafeteria while daydreaming. I didn't know I had a cute smile with red blush on my face. I was just thinking about how cool and wholesome lt would be to date him. But I suddenly stopped. My whole body freezed. I started to sweat. To have a headache. Looking at the floor. Listening to my intrusive thoughts. 

What if he was actually homophobic ? Maybe he's an hypocrite and he doesn't even consider me as a friend ? What if I confesse my love and then end up being bullied for being gay ? 

I was imaginating some scenes that could happen. Tetora was beating me up. Or I was become more distant and cold with him and end up abandon him. He was crying. I cried too. I cry. I was crying. I was in pain.   
I wanted to throw up and I couldn't move properly. I wanted to scream. I wasn't hungry anymore. 

"Midori ? Are you okay ?!" 

"I'm... I'm not hungry anymore." 

I said with a weak voice. Tetora seemed pretty worried. But I ran in the bathroom. I threw up while crying. It was the first time I felt that bad. I wanted to die so badly now. 

I went to the infirmary room wondering what Tetora was doing. I felt guilty and tried to not cry again. My eyes were red and I looked so pale. Sagami was worried. He said that I really look in pain. I had to explain him about what just happened.

It was obvious for me that I had depression. I was diagnosted with it since eighth grade. But it was hard for me to remember to take medicines everyday. Sagami called my parents for telling them after I said I wanted to see my therapist. 

I was curious about my current situation. And I wanted to try to be able to take my meds again. I had an appointment in two days. It was pretty fast and I felt lucky. But I couldn't stop hearing my intrusive thoughts. I had a headache now. I cried again and took something to make the pain go away.

I went in my classroom for eating snacks that Tetora offered me. I wanted to throw up again but these snacks were so good. I heard Morisawa arrived while screaming. It made me upset because I was exhausted. 

"Takamine !!! I have good news today !!!" 

"Shut up ! I'm tired... Stop screaming or I'll beat you to death !" 

"S-Sorry..." 

I felt bad after looking at his face becoming suddenly sad. I felt horrible. I wanted to die for not being a burden to anyone else. 

"No... I shouldn't have yell at you. Sorry. Can you tell me these good news later ? Or just send me a message please." 

"Yeah, I'll do that. But you know, everyone is worried about you. And so me too. I'm your upperclassment, I can try to help you. I won't force you to speak, but we need to know what happen for finding a solution. I don't want to argue with you because of a misunderstanding." 

"You're right. But... I... I can't. I'm not ready to talk about that." 

I started to need more fresh air and so Morisawa opened the window because he could hear my loud breath. I didn't know he could be that calm and mature. But it felt good to know that. I yawned and started to fall asleep. Morisawa leaved me and Tetora entered the room. When he saw me asleep, he put his blazer on my back. I also could feel his warm body against mine. He hugged me tightly so I tried to put my arms around his chest, but I was too weak right now. 

Tetora took my hands and gently put my arms around his chest. He caressed my hair and it felt so good. I was loved actually. I hope I'll be able to know the difference between my thoughts and my intrusive thoughts. 

I smiled without notice it and rub my cheek on his chest for feeling more warm. I was cold when I'm tired. I sighed because I felt better and then Tetora speaked and smiled at me. 

"Do you feel better ?" 

"Y-Yes... Thank you." 

I couldn't look in his eyes, I was too embarrassed. But Tetora was still cuddling me and I hoped he could that everyday.


	3. Dear bunny

I couldn't go to school today. I had a lack of medicines and so I was sick. My depression and anxiety made me sick. I didn't sleep well and I cried the whole day without taking care of myself. I forgot. 

But I knew Tetora would come here. I had to do my homeworks, sadly. But I was too busy looking at cute stuff on Instagram to reply to his messages. And I also forgot he will come. I was uglier than usual. I don't hate my face as I hate my height, but I still wanted to change it. 

I remember when people used to pretending being my friend just for having success around the girls...

Tetora wanted to be manly. Maybe he wants a girlfriend or something... Wait. Not something. A boyfriend or another gender. When I learned about my sexuality, people were talking about gender identity. So... What's the word for a boyfriend but he's... They're gender non comforming. Partner I think.   
Well... I think he's straight... Sadly. 

I heard noises downstairs. Crap, he was here ! I didn't know it was late ! I was too busy being depressed and hating myself while looking at cute stuff for cope... Like everyday. But today is worst. 

I looked so ugly and I didn't know if I smell bad or not. My pajama is normal but my damn face look so bad !! 

"Midori ?" 

I wanted to pretend that I sleep so he could leave quickly... And that's what I did. He opened the door and became calmer.

"Mido- Ah... Sorry. I'll just give you your homeworks and my notes. Wait... I'm not that dumb ! I know you fake slee- Hey !" 

I was too stressed and so I messed up. I hide in my blanket so he won't see my face. Tetora looked entertained but I wasn't. It's not a game, I don't want him to find me ugly. 

"It's so mean ! I bought you a present and some- Woah ?!" 

I wanted to take the blanket off and hug him but tripped on the blanket and fell on Tetora. He was laying on the back on the floor and my head was against his heart. It was beating so fast. I didn't know why. 

"Sorry... But thanks ! ♪" 

I felt sorry but now I was too excited for the present. 

"You should ask me if I'm okay first ! You're so impolite, you just want the presents, haha !" 

"Sorry, but you don't look in pain !" 

I helped him get up and then I felt weak. I had a headache and I sat on my bed. 

"Don't push yourself, I was joking, I'm okay. But you look tired. Take care." 

I blushed because I felt embarassed. I took that as an insult even if I always look tired. But I didn't expect Tetora to put his hand on my forehead. 

"Your face is red, are you okay ?" 

I was blushing more and more. Why does he was so much more attractive like that ?! I looked down and avoided to look at his face. 

"Y-Your face is too close..." 

"Ah ! Sorry, I was just a bit worried. Okay... Time to give you your presents. Here's some snacks and a little plushie ! ♪" 

He bought ramune melon flavor with strawberries mochies. And the plushie was so cute ! It wasn't a mascot but this little bunny is still cute. 

"Woah ! It's so cute ! Thanks ! ♪"

I put the plushie with the others on my bed and I ate one mochi. I gave one to Tetora because I heard his tummy making weird noises. I didn't eat since I'm wake up, so it was even more good. 

After eating, Tetora helped me to do my homeworks and it wasn't annoying. It was fun to do this shit with him. I think I will go to school tomorrow.

The next day, I felt a bit better. I was still very tired and depressed, but I wanted to see him. I sighed and went to school while being uglier. At least no one will ask me to hang out. But I slept during the first period. I couldn't handle it and I had to go in the infirmary room. I forgot that there was my medicines. I took all of them and then sat on the bed. I was too weak to get up and walk. 

Tetora went to the infirmary room too. But he was hurted. His elbow bleed a lot and I was worried. 

"Hey Mido-" 

"Sit on the bed ! I'll stop the bleeding ! Are you okay ?!" 

"I mean..." 

"Don't talk if you're in pain !" 

"I'm not-" 

I took a tissue for take the blood off his arm. I was shaking and I put sanitizer on his wound. The sanitizer was soft, it wasn't supposed to hurt. After cleaning all the blood, I put a bandage on his elbow carefully. 

"Thanks, I didn't know you was good at this !" 

"Well... There was much blood and Sagami isn't here right now. I couldn't let you do everything yourself. I'm sure the wound would be even worst." 

"Hey ! That's not true, haha !" 

I laughed with him and then put my head on his knees. I was sat on the floor for healing Tetora. But I felt tired because I panicked. 

"Midori, can I ask you something... A bit private ?" 

"Um... It depends what is it." 

"Well... I have two questions but... You're sick pretty often. Do you have a chronic disease ?"

"Um... I think I can call it like that. So yes."

"What kind of disease is it ?" 

"Err... Sorry, I don't like talking about it." 

I avoided to look at him because I was scared of his reaction. It was hard for me because many people used to stop being my friends when they knew about that. But maybe I should tell him. I think Tetora is reliable. 

"It's okay, don't push yourself. But I won't make fun of you or anything. I guess it's hard sometimes." 

No. I was too anxious for telling him this. But later I will regret. Even if I didn't know it right now. I felt like a coward. But I stopped overthinking when Tetora started to speak again. 

"Oh ! And..." 

"Yes ?" 

"Are you gay ?" 

"What the fuck Tetora ?" 

"You draw rainbows everywhere and you always reject girls when they confess to you." 

"Well... Yes. I like boys." 

I blushed and started to be scared. I was shaking and put my head in my arms. 

"Haha ! Same ! I'm happy because I can tell you stuff you'll relate too !" 

I was almost crying. And I raise my head for looking at him. And his smile was honest. I was happy and relievied. Tetora pat my head and then I blushed so hard because this situation was even more gay. 

"Uh... I don't know how to console people but don't cry ! I don't lie !" 

"I... I wasn't c-crying !" 

I avoided looking at him and started to pout like a tsundere. Tetora took his hand off my head and laugh. 

"Hahaha ! You're so tsundere !" 

"What ?! No ! I'm not !"

"They always say the same thing !" 

I couldn't embarass him because I wasn't confident enough for acting like I want to seduce him. We went back to our classroom and ate together. I should have putting more efforts on Ryuseitai Idol training and I was so tired again.


	4. Sleepover

It's saturday and I went to the therapist. I have now more anti depressents and others medicines that helps for sleeping. I took them before going ti bed. The next day, I felt better and tried to do my homeworks. But even if I took my anti depressents, it didn't makes me more motivated. 

I should have did it but I quickly forgot. I didn't talk to Tetora the whole weekend. I feel kind of bad because we're closer now. But my social skills suck. I was thinking about him and daydreaming about the perfect date while hugging my plushies. 

But anti depressents don't make my abandon and trust issues dissapear. I sighed and started overthinking again. I was so sad actually. I knew we couldn't hang out even if I didn't want to believe it. 

The next day, I went to school with Morisawa and I think I know now that he is bisexual. His obsession for Kiryu and Hakaze was weird. I think he might loves one of them. 

When I saw Tetora, I immediatly went to see him. I was happy to be back to school for once. 

"Hey, Midori ! 

"Hey. ♪" 

"How was your weekend ?"

"Um... Good ? I didn't do special stuff, I was just vibing with my plushes."

"Well, as long as you rest it's okay." 

"Yeah... What about you ? Sorry I didn't send you a message." 

"Don't apologize ! I didn't either. But I was hanging out with Sengoku and Aoi's brothers." 

"Oh... Was it fun ?" 

"Yeah !" 

I was good at hiding my feelings. But I felt my heart hurting me. As if I had a panic attack. Why didn't he tell me ? I would liked to be with them... I felt excluded. 

I was so annoyed by the class but I didn't want to be at lunchtime either. I was scared that Tetora might says something like earlier. Doing stuff without me... I drew him with me but it made me cry a little bit. I wasn't hungry at lunchtime. But I had some snacks in my school bag. 

Tetora ate with me and we talked. I wanted to invite him at my place. We could eat pizzas while watching an anime and sharing the same blanket. I really wanted to do this, so I told him while blushing. 

"T-Tetora..." 

"Yes ?" 

"Would y-you like to... C-Come at my place ? Like... Um... One day, we could have a sleepover." 

"Yeah ! Sounds fun ! Wait... It was that hard to say it ? You look embarassed." 

"Anyway !! Which day ?!" 

"Today ?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna call my mom." 

My mom said yes and she seemed relievied to know I have friends. I was happy. I wanted to be special to him. 

"What are you smiling at ?" 

"Huh ? C-Can't I just... Smile ? For no r-reason ?" 

"Hey ! Don't start pouting... It's just cool to see you smile more." 

I was screaming inside. Maybe I was really special to him right now.  
Afternoon class was even more boring because I looked forward to talk to him. 

When school was over, we went to my house and I told my mom to order pizzas. I told Tetora to go take a shower first because I had to clean my room. I hide my meds and prepare clothes for him. I also prepared some snacks in two cute bowls that I put on a soft pink blanket on my bed. I borrowed my big brother's laptop and then searched a good anime to watch until Tetora gets back. 

It was hard to choose alone, I didn't want to watch something he might dislike. So I made a list of severals animes and told him to choose between them or to search another one while I take a shower. I wanted to watch a chill, funny and cute anime with attractive characters. 

When I was back, Tetora was wearing the pajama I lent him. He looked cute in it. We talked about which anime we should watch and we agreed to watch a sport anime. But we had time until we get the pizzas. So I wanted to do my skincare routine with him.

"When the pizzas will be ready ?" 

"I don't know but I think we have fourty minutes." 

"Oh, what do you want to do ?" 

"Well... I don't know if you'll like it. But I could do my skincare routine on your face." 

"I don't know anything about that but it sounds fun !" 

I was glad he agreed. I started to put some cute hair clips on his hair and I put a handband on mines. I washed his face that is very soft. I tried to not panicked and blushing too hard so he won't find me suspicious. Then I used a pill off mask on both of our face. 

"How do we take it off ? Won't it hurt ?" 

"No, don't worry. You look very pretty like this, haha.~ ♪" 

"Hey ! Don't take photos ! Prepare for my revenge !" 

"Hahahaha !~ Don't worry, i won't post it !" 

I took the mask off his face after laughing and then I applied a face mask for hydratation and another mask but for the bags under the eyes. 

"It feels very good. That's why you're actually handsome. I know your secret now !" 

"It's not a secret tho. It's just genetic. But yeah I have a clear skin because of these products." 

I blushed a little bit because he said I was handsome. I took both masks off after fifteen minutes and massage his face. He looked so cute, I wanted to stay like this forever. But my mom called us for the pizzas. I was so hungry so we quickly took them and started the anime while eating. We also shared the blanket and we ended up falling asleep after a few hours.


	5. Tension

We woke up for going to school with Morisawa. It was a great night. I loved sleeping with him in my arms. I wish we could do a sleepover every night.

We went to school and from today, Ryuseitai idol training will become more and more difficult. That's what Morisawa said. It made me really anxious because I knew I had to do more efforts. We will have to do that every day without other subjects such as japanese, economy, maths... At least I won't have too many homeworks to do. 

Morisawa explained everything we were supposed to do in one week. We are five, so he excpected us to do many stuff compared to other units. We had to ask Kiryu and Itsuki to make outfits, learning a new choregraphy and song by heart. 

I was so overwhelmed because there was too many things to do. I think everyone was stressed, but maybe they will yell at me if I do something bad. Or even slap my face... Killing me... I had intrusive thoughts and started imaginating the worst scenarios. I was shaking a little bit and tried to make them go away. 

"So let's work now ! If you have questions don't hesitate to ask us ! It's the first time I let you do that much stuff." 

"Don't worry Morisawa. It's normal to let us do all that stuff. You and Shinkai won't be with us next year." 

"Nagumo !! I love you ! But don't talk about graduation, I'll miss y'all !! I feel like you're my child !" 

"Holy crap, stop with dad stuff !" 

"Hahaha ! Can I hug you ?! ★" 

"No ! Go hug Shinkai !" 

"Yes.~ Hug me Chiaki. I feel sad because you don't hug me often these days.~" 

"Ah ! Sorry Kanata, I love you ! ★" 

I was just standing here without knowing what I was supposed to do right now. So I ran away in the bathroom for crying and maybe going back to them if I feel better. I looked at cute stuff on my phone. I wanted to go home and hug my plushes so bad. 

I went to the infirmary room for taking my medicines. Maybe it will help me. But I saw Tetora in the hallways. He caught me. 

"Midori ? What are you doing ? Please... Don't tell me you tried to runaway. You already did it." 

He looked kind of upset. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was scared he could think that I'm crazy and weird. 

"N-No... I was going to go in the infirmary room." 

"Weren't you in the bathroom ?" 

"Y-Yes..." 

"You never speak about your problems. I feel kind of useless and... I don't know, angry ? Like you don't think I'm reliable." 

"Sorry... I think you're reliable. It's just... Um... I'm the problem. Sorry." 

"You always say the same thing... I know I'm not good at comforting or helping people. But ranting is good sometimes." 

I couldn't look at him. I was so scared. I apologies a second time and then went to the infirmary room. No one was here. I cried another time and then take my medicines. I sat on a bed, hoping no one to come. 

I went back to Nagumo after ten minutes. I felt a bit better and then we learned the choregraphy. The song was ready but we had to learn it by heart for the next dream festival. The danse was more difficult this time. But Nagumo managed to do some movements so he teached me. It ended up being fun. 

But I always remembered how sad these people are right now. I'm sure I stole some people dreams. I didn't want to be here. It's not fair. I was lost in my intrusive thoughts. I couldn't pay attention about what happen right now so I fell while dancing. It hurted so bad. 

"Woah !!" 

Nagumo lent me his hand so I could bounce back. My knees and arms hurted so much that I could cry but I'm not a child anymore I shouldn't cry. 

"Are you okay ?" 

"Yes... Thanks." 

At the end of the day, I was exhausted. I was sitting on the floor and I couldn't change my clothes. My body was so heavy. All I did was crying a little bit. I ended up falling asleep. Everyone tried to wake me up but it didn't work. I can't remember but I think Tetora and Morisawa bring me back in my room. 

The next day, I overslept and ended up being late for Idol training. My whole body hurted, I had aches. I took my medicines and didn't know I had huge eye bags and a pale skin. I apologied for being late. 

"Sorry, I'm late..." 

"Takamine ! Are you okay ?! You look sick ! Don't push yourself !" 

"Stop screaming and what do you mean by I look sick ?" 

I look at my face on my phone camera and it was usual for me. But I always try to look alive but I couldn't this time.

"I'm okay, i'm just still a bit tired." 

We started training after I changed my clothes. We started by singing because Morisawa knew I couldn't danse correcly right now. Singing is pretty easy but learint it by heart was way more difficult. After a few hours, we talked about how the stage would look like. It was supposed to fit with the song, the costumes Morisawa and Shinkai drew yesterday. 

It was fun to draw and sharing our ideas. But when I start to entertain myself, my anxiety always tell me horrible stuff. As if I couldn't be happy for a few seconds. But I pretended I was okay. 

And then we danced until lunchtime. I was as tired as yesterday. I almost fell asleep on the floor but Tetora woke me up. 

"Morisawa is right... You don't look good. Are you sure you don't want to go home ?" 

"Well... I have to stay here. Or I'll be late compared to you and I'll end be held back again." 

"Did you eat a breakfast ?" 

"Um... I don't think so..." 

"Wait, you can't remember what you ate a few hours ago ?!" 

I felt kind of hurted. I knew my memory was really bad so I acted cold. 

"Yeah, so what ?" 

"Hey, don't look at me like this ! I'm sorry if I upset you but I'm really worry." 

"Then don't be worried. I'm okay." 

"Why are you reacting like that ?! I'm worried about you and all you do is acting like I was annoying !" 

I started to shiver when he yelled at me. I hated that and it made me want to cry and isolate myself. I didn't know what to reply. Nothing could come out of my mouth. Fortunatly, Morisawa was helpful for once. 

"Nagumo, calm down please. I don't think you should yell at Takamine. He understands that you're worried for him, but he doesn't like talking about his problems nor how he feels. You should respect that and show him support." 

It was rare to see him that serious. But he was right. I was surprises, but maybe Morisawa does the same and so he relates and know how I feel easily. 

"... You're right. I'm sorry, Midori." 

"It's okay. Thanks Morisawa." 

I wish he could cuddles me like he did one week ago. Morisawa and Shinkai went eating together and Shinobu did the same with Aoi's brothers. I was alone with Tetora. 

"How... How can I help you then ?" 

"You can't help me. All you can do is showing support."

"You sure ?" 

"Yes, really. It's okay." 

"I'm not good at showing support, but if you need something I'm here." 

"So... What about... A... A hug ?" 

I blushed and look at the floor. I was scared of his reaction. But he hugged me tightly. It was very good and I felt my body stop shivering. I layed my head on his shoulder and fell asleep because his body was hot and it reminds me of my blankets.


End file.
